He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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