He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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