Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
