State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
