I hate your face
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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