Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so let's talk penis.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
