Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
