the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
