I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
