idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The uberlube is also flammable
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
