She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
