proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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