sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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