i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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