hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
