there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
