dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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