those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
