Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
