idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
