You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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