new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
