Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
