Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I understand Curling. That high.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
