SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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