My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
