Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
