My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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