I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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