I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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