He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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