But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
