i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Randomize
