drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
