What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
