So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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