Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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