I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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