she woke up with a sticky ear
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
