hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Drunk is a universal language darling
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