Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
