Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
