A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
