Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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