Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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