A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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