ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
