When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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