the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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