So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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