i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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