I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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