Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
