I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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