just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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