I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
