She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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