To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
