She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he fucked my hip out of place.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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