Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The Olympian is in my bed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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