I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize