so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
