Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
