he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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