I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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