she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
