Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
