But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
