He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
