How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your dad touched me again.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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