We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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