whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
