just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Randomize
