My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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