If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
