omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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