Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
