Redeem this text for a blowjob
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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