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• (206): View more from Washington

  Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon

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• (925): View more from California

  I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"

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• (917): View more from New York City

  hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject

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