My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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