too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
