As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
