Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
