i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
