Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
