I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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